Last Sunday I dropped my mom off at O'Hare after a really fun weekend with her. She came and dove right in to my world. She helped me decorate my new apartment (she is so good at that!) as well as she helped me with work stuff. It was fun having her walk around the Square with me and get to meet all the people I do life with. She actually said "I can see why you love working and living here so much." That moment made me feel really good- like my mom was really proud of the choices I have made.
The last 10 days have been interesting and have had me reflecting on a lot. What really is important in life? What leaves an impression? And am I the person I want to be known for? I had an incredible evening last week celebrating one of my favorite business owners. He received a lifetime achievement award and this huge black tie event was all in honor of him. Now if you know this man you would know that he is most definitely the biggest and strongest German you will ever meet. And heaven help you if you end up on his bad side. But I watched as people spoke about his hard work ethic, his gifts and talents, and his heart. And I was honored to be among those that got to be there, to dress all fancy, and to celebrate a well done life. The greatest thing is he isn't done! (A little fun fact- I found out last week that he sang the anthem at Cominsky one year! How cool is that!)
So I have just been thinking a lot- about who I want to be known as and am I living that life. I feel pretty certain that I am. I try my very best to love beyond words and actions. I try to live a life worthy of respect. And at the very least I try my best to right my wrongs and smile as much as I can.
My family is still a mess and hurting so much. But God keeps showing glimpses- and I have got to just keep trusting.

My eyes are so puffy from crying- way too much. I'm going to admit something really hard- I told my dad today that I hated him. I lost it. Why is it that the simplest of things is the hardest thing to do. I stand and look at my parents who are both so immature and wonder why they can't figure things out. My father showed up this past weekend with separation/divorce papers to give to my mom. Then he gave her the same pat answer he always does for everything- He finds a bible verse that backs how he is feeling and uses it to say that the choice he is making is ok. He claimed that somewhere (I'm not sure where) that in the bible David had had enough with someone not trusting him and forgiving him so he ended the relationship. But that isn't even the saddest part- I have heard that my dad thought this tactic would wake my mom up and get her to realize that she needs him and that she would come back. Is this not so sad? All I can think about through my tears is how does one get here? And what on earth can I do to NEVER get to this point? I am trying so hard to believe God in all of this. To believe that He will in fact keep working.
I've never felt so alone. My biggest fear is that I will never have a family again to go home to. That I will live the rest of my life only speaking to my father on occasions and that I will grow so bitter towards both of my parents.
To top today off my sister moved out of her house and in to an apartment by herself. My heart just hurts for my sweet sister. Please pray that God would wrap her up!

PS- I do have a praise- looking back over Lent I realized that some of my prayers were answered- my sister has come around some. Not only has our relationship started to mend but we have had good talks and she has even opened the door for me to share a bible verse or two. That's all I wanted! Just to know that my sister was feeling God move.

My sister called yesterday crying. My heart broke in to pieces for the hurt and confusion I heard in her voice. She and Luke signed thier final papers yesterday and I think for one of the first times it sunk in the reality of all of it. She is scared, feels alone, thinks there is no hope, and isn't sure whether she can believe God in the midst of all of this.

I know God is moving! He is tearing apart every fiber that has held my family captive. I know I am supposed to trust Him in the midst of this but like my sister- I don't know if I have the strength to do so. But then what other choice do I have?

Please pray for her. The divorce isn't final for another 30 days. Maybe something is supposed to happen?