So much better...

I don't think I could have asked for a better trip home. Even though I didn't get to go home home it was still so comfortable getting to be near all the things that I hold dear in my heart. I spent great time with family especially my grandmother. It was so precious to get to spend time with her and hold her hand and kiss her. Even though she doesn't remember a whole lot these days I still knew she knew who I was- and that even in her distant memory- her love is still there.

We never drove by our 'home'- none of us could do it. I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to. Maybe someday...

My parents are still married- the trial didn't actually take place. Bob was able to get a 'stay' put on it. Not totally sure what that means but basically he is still holding on for every last ounce of money he can get. More like he is holding on to a pipe dream. I think one of the hardest moments of the weekend came when I saw paperwork showing my father's activity- and it began 4 months after my grandfather died. He then became so desperate that after he drained trust funds he went and drained my grandmother's savings and checking accounts. That was a moment that I began to cry- and cry hard. When I suddenly realized that my whole life was lived off of my grandmothers money. That what my grandfather had intended for his family to live out their days- my father had spent on my family. The honest truth is I grew up believing that I lived a comfortable life- with a lot of perks- and yet there wasn't an ounce of truth to it. Reality was we were poorer than poor. That is when my tears flowed uncontrollably. My life felt so fake...

I look back on a quick weekend and even though there were some really hard moments- it was worth every second of it. You begin to see in the really hard moments that life will get better...and you will grow stronger...one day at a time.

Just a few pics: Shutterfly | Shared Picture Detail