It's 1:30 am in the morning and I can't sleep. I keep thinking and thinking. I think about the text message I got last Monday morning from someone that used to be the 'heart' of my life. Then tonight I got a call from my brother. He told me he missed me...a lot. He told me how much he missed the family, how much he missed his sisters, how much he missed the events and moments that made us who we are. But he above all wanted me to know how very much he missed me- and how much he loved me. I have never thought for a minute that my brother didn't love me. I have tried as much as possible to remind myself that he is hurting just as much if not more than I am. But to hear him say those words tonight. To feel my heart beat in a way it hasn't in a long time, maybe even ever. The words were real and raw and honest and straight from the brother that I have known for 31 years. And they meant the world to me.
Just when you think you are holding your own, when you think you've pulled it together enough to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, when you come to terms with that life is just going to be this way- God up and rocks that "I am getting by" boat.
Every girl whether they admit to it or not longs to hear the words "I miss you" when their heart has been hurt. I will admit that I have wished for that but fully acknowledged that it doesn't normally happen in my life...the story book redemption. But maybe that is what all of this is about...believing that there can be redemptions. Believing that HE is up to something...
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